Courtney Rants

i keep throwing ’The Secret”at the wall!
Current mood: dirty

ummm……dont explain and dont complain right?shut up take yr p[ain and play that guitar right? see the Hubris the lies the inanity and stay still nom atter what they call you
STAY UNCOMPROMISED INNOCENT AND NOT BITTER AND NEVER JADED

i loathe the dammed Secret i keeop reading it anyway. chant dammit. oh justtwhazt stop a bad negative thought? theres a LAw of the universe a LAW. and for an effect you must first make a cause not WISH for one!

every single time you/ me uses our power our talent for money for sex for “impressions” for yet another discussion on BRANDING we are WHORES.

I JUST WANT TO DO MY JOB I MAY HAVE GONE TO A C LUB DANCED WITH KATE AND WORN THE SAME PERFUME A MIST OF PEHAGLIONS BLUEBELL AND DANCED WITH LITTLE LILY AND HER BESPOKE HAT FROM HAYMARKET AND ASKED KELLY OZ WTF HER MOTHERS PROBLEM IS! HELLO ! IF SOMEONE GAVE MY MINOR CHILD DRUGS ID KICK THIER DAMMED ASS I WOULDNT USE SOME NONSENSE LIE THAT WAS GOING AROUND IN 2000 BTW COS MY BROTHER WROTE SOME EXPOSE AND IM TOOSCARED OF MADGE AND ELTON SO IM GONNA HITA SOFT TARGET no comment.

ended up in front of i dunno 100 paparaazzi with my band kids n we stayed up til 9 am just writing cos that i can do;
write and man oh man oh man oh man it is so fucking beautiful to be able to have people with a totally different perspectives and cultural backgrounds to lean on -ive been in soooo much pain soo hurt
had to stare at a box – knowing its a blessing that the irs audited me for some particulars years, and the reaLIty of pure evil -= hit me over the fucking head and i could not move i was ina shimmering death mist i had to move for a while get my ass over here play music get on some airplanes.
Things done to my child for spite, spite pure spite to a 9 yr old. to kurts sister who has never gone to college and just wants to have her little farm and her horses his mother who justw ants to garden an d make things pretty, and they killed my heart -they tried really really hard but karma doesnt stop anywehere it doersnt stop in Palm Springs or Maui or Los Angeles it keeps going like a bullet whizzing thru the air so they will get what is thiers.
i willnot go onstage unless im p[repared to leave my guts on the thing and this record comes out when its good and bloody ready and my personal problems wich are vast – well they are all there- like dirty diamonds on the record i havent edited a thing from my fucked up twisted heart wich i try like hell to fix by chanting everyday and when iwas laying all twisted up in bed afterthe profiler/psych/forensic tried to explainthe nature of pure evil -= after living rosemarys baby = seeing a credit card witha whacky name or brand new luxury car or the lamp i saw on portobello road that i could not afford – and it dissapearing …….noone will know can know what that gaslighting was like it drove me mad and itwas always designedx to.

My religion states that my environment is a direct consequecne of the causes that i make or have made perhaps in another lifetime,sonething went really wrong, somethings go really good too, but all i know is that all that matters is that right now i have bloody stumps for fingers cos i dont have a pick not one and all i need to do i NEED to do is let it go, is walk away, breathe it out,do this shoot with Panos ( fucking genius) Ypianis and Sam(fucking genius) Taylor Wood maybe go record demos at i dont kno wthe cheapo places
just toerag cos it got so hyped by white stripes= its easy to you know homage white stripes=i have one its just came i only have one chord tho- its an e minor duhhhh i think it needs an old strat and some folkie lyrics witha few double enterndres MAYBE and midran ge for days no bass no treble bu tthe vibrato way the hell up, like an old Curtis Mayfield record-

maybe illtake a dance claSS – no way will i ever do much more without a guitar cept hang up[side down on a pole, i dont mind being too fat or too thin or out of 100s of paparazzi shots they seem to retouch one or two to mak emy lips look all chapped, or maybe they were – i just know i have to write the NEVER COMPROMISING TRUTH. and stick with it and i have one dammed job and i have enough people that get me and care for me and ,love me. an dethats all that matters and karma doesnt stop in Maui or LA or LONDON or Gloucester or Belsize- but this photo is very work intensive, and then in our bluebelll mist last night my dance partrner tells me about how sam is doing alot of chinese s and m rope photos and im intrigued but i sketched what the shoten zenjin/ forces of the universe put
into myhead and gave me a vision, and im gonna get a tattoo over that shitty old angel = prellle the oldest fabric companyt in the world in Lyon makes a yard of fabric pre day has 250 years of sketches and loom patterns and they have one Thistle- le Thiste- its beautiful
i dunna think i have even a DROPLET of scottish in me but the pricks and thebeauty of thistles have been captivating me for the last three years, and although getting this dammed cheapassed tat removed took forever and bloody well HURT im ready to get Le Thiste on my back i want Le Thiste everything and bluebells and whomever lives in P{ortland or Eugene you get one thing ( othe rthan Myrtle on the the 101 wich is only grown in Israel outside of Florence Canon Beach Devils Punchbowl etc) in late March and Early April called Daphne, and my god i can smell it now its just makes me happy to recall the smell, smells are fun and i love them, smells and textures and building textiles, wich im gonna do this year id like to see next week or so what the French made for Spring = whyd oes fashion matter to music? i dont know……theres some connection and its fairly deep = i dont mean luxury brands with the perfume with its 1200% markup fantasy that allows someone whod rather have a luxury brand perfume than a song, sometime if something smells really really good or is truly beautififul; i like it too, i just dont like thinking about the factt hat 40,000 children die of starvation every single day and 750 million people live far far below the povertty line and since ww2 theres been 200 wars some stillbeing fought. notleast the war in america of convienice over indivuality- like anyone or more than anyone im frail fragile and fucking dainty as a porcelain teacup- a hothouse orchid a white lotus i cant grow unless i have the right conditions. evil isnt one of them.
truth, and my curiouisty about life and about all of you gets the best of me= i make a terrible celebrity i know this- but i do i do ido leave my guts on the stage and despite the commodiftication of my words and melodies and i dont kno wthata growly girl is to everyones taste and i dont care atall…..b ut i believe despite our fantastical humaness and ability for enlightenment and human revolution we are HERD ANIMALS.Yes we have leaders Innovators “early adapters” and all that bullshit -but we follow the leader….like gazelles.

but it comes down to texture to music sometimes to taste( Lauderay Chestnut Macaroon) or Smell ( Young Living White Angelica wich btw does have white lotus rooit oil and blue tansyamongst other rareities) same brand sandlewood, joy, red cedar, acquah vitahs larch. young living Myrhh and Galbamum Penhaglions Bluebell, Fracas , WQestwood Boudoir and Carnal Flower ) and clothing i went to coco le mer yesterday and i had to have a pair of about 1930 panties ….i hope we are not herd animals but more and more science says we are.
i have to go write a rock song now. enough of tastes and smells and textures gossipy nonsense and fishy subject changing almost to an overwhelming point.
sound is all that matters. all is word , all is sonic.allis TRUTH, and nothing else matters.

hey! NYC doors open 9 we go on 1030 !

and its free! juliet and tylersent me the people whp applied NYC off CourtneyLove.com, and we blindly picked abouyt 60 of you out of the baSKet, and then picked bout 100 of you just cos we liked trhe records you bought and the descriptions you made of your “style” whatver teh fuck thaT ACTULLY means!~ some opf you need ot fget gpng like the DC people n the Racine WI people I mean can you reaLLY get out here tonight by 1030 wout it costing an rm and a leg? particularly since as anyone who has ever heard that Wings b ootleg of Linda Eastman Mcartney doping back up vox caN ATTEst boy my fucking guitar playing needs ,,,,well lets justr call me speciAl needs guitarist for the next few weeks, And then ill be my fine assed old rythym self again, listen to thte end of l;oserdust tonite wich was a disaster in London i wanted Laudrey Macaroons and plaster cast walls and fab chandeliers and i got em and i also got the hurricAne swamop shittiest sound of y entire career, i mean Jimmyz Donut Shack in echo Park opening for Inxsane Clown Posse or Saigin Saloon or whatver hairt mETAL LATE 80s early 90s shite we opened for sounded better than that, the good news is that all of us haVE BEEN in shite indie bands( no off3nse to anyone IN it but i count the Chelsea as my shite note ven inide just shite band- energetically a total pack od wondetrful women, who i adore and NO PUHLEASE Samantha is most certainly NOT about Maloney, eeeek, it could be Savannah ort Am anda it just vfit that oparrt of the riff) so weve all played thur a hurricane, and you havent LIVED until youvce zeen teh fabulous Suzy Menkes who can make or break a designer with a penstroke Moshing inf ront of you while you kindly teastingly insult the fashinbistas while you yourself are wearinfg a 280,000 euros dress and trying to make it rock, i willgive thiso up fpor Ricardo, i love dthe way his couture show pkayed with animal anatomy the shearlings and the furs were sickening but fascinating with crocdfile spines cut into them, AND I TRUSt utterly my stylist Panos YpiaNIS, whose the bestr stylist ive ever had, and certainbly the best stylist ive had since Madge stole Arianne off me- whyP{aris? oh uh cos rthe soubnd onsatGE at the ruwe vendome atelier was better than Bushhall, but i her rhye room sound wasx just fine, we went thru the set almost busking it, excpet i forget HOW TO PLAY MISS WORLd!!!! AND IM ONNA KEEP FOPRGETTING COS IM NOT PLAYING IT IN THE MIDDLE OF SOHO AT 8 PM,! inf rontr fi the Mercer last bnight and i ended up smoking with Fran esco Clemente and firned G jones the first african american powertful socialite wich i just love, i think shes fucking cool too And i wanna put her in my top 8, i just dunno how, Clemente is coming tonight and i hope Julian Schnabel is too! and im inviteing Karen Klimnick and Elizabeth Peyton bioth whom iv e collected just cos i liked them and thier art has skyrocketed and this guy Tom Sacks who made CHANEL guillotine nd a prada toilet seat a Tiffany Glock Hermes hand grenade, genius, if im gonn have to get a gun someday i want it to be Tom Sacks Tiffany Glock the penultimate in socio politicaL disgusting luxury brand polaRITIES, i dunno how with age one become smore socially aware, but asd im danciing barefoot for these lovel;y people ( and Fr Voguie did offer me the cover the next day wich was fucking PAINFUL i mean it ACTUALLY WAS PHSYICALLY PAINFUL to have to pas son THAT but it would be career suicide fo rthr timing of the record- crikey what gal doesnt want the jewel in the dammed crown bible cover? i meaqn what vain gilr! and THAT VOGUE EDITOR is one of teh coolest hippest women alive! and Socailly aware and a positive deep energy and a good mother aand not at all bitchy or mean,shes allwarmth and positivity, believe me the3y come ina ll shapes and sizes when it comes to energy( speaking of eneergy the jewelry i keep wearing wich is the number 33 the most divine of all numbvers and the number 8 and 9 and sometime s 1 and 7 and all my chakras and all the good goddesses- from ap[hrodite to quan lin to athena comes from www.energymuse.com and theytre really reasonab;y [rices and im opbsessed wuth how i feel like wonder woman with thier stuff on even though it s just energetic protection like Young Living Oils wich ar ethe ONLY esential Oils mad eproperly nd purely with no carrier oils, they cure cncer , sicknesses and ailments mental and physical of all types i suppos eone goes to www.YoungLivingOil.com i dunno, i jknow i gave a suitcase startert to Stipe and now hje doesnt fgo mnstage without them without at least Whit eAngelica on = ot sbeen proven with Young Living that sone opf them roser an dHwelicrysum esp increaSE YR energetic electrical frield rom i forget the nymbers average human being has about 90-hz? something and the Rose and Hel;icyrum increase it to over 6-800- just givibng you mor epretenction and a bettert aURA, an d the ability to be safe allthi sis nonsense without chanting, includong imho yhe entior e12 step program, biut oive always lik ed my lotions p[otion s and dec or wethe rin my hom eor on my bod so im just sharing with yall the way iw ould zfirne dthe things that w[ortect me aND ALOS THE ANTIOXIDENT LEVEKL IN THE CKLOVE IS OFF THE CHARTS in th etansy and some of the other is 17,000 plus on the CHR scale woch measures antioxidents- dont think POM is gonna save you, or even green tea mor ethan breathing in the serious shit, thbe Young Living stuff i swear by it havent been sick in the soul dor the heart or the body sinc ei started usun g them obsessively)
with Hedi doibng ophotos and wearing ricardos genius anatomical and somehow visionary stuff and the nervous quivering that went around the atelier and did soundcheck in one of Hubert Givenchys OG hats that had been owned by Jackie Kennedy when she was Jackie Kennedy, it was foam crown with roses all over it and just ran aROUND throwing it up in the air and doing my exercise and yoga in it and i could sorta tell people were too polite to tell me to take that hat the fuck off, but i waS GENTLE WITH IT, and gingerly puy it baCK IN ITS little jewel box, ) i reallt rusted Panos( my insane off the charts geniu sstylist swich i havent even had one for 8 years as im too fucking picky and would rathe rlook like utter shit tha look half assed)
about Ricardo as ( and you all think i cant be a bitch these days…well get ready) Givenchy ha dbeen burnt to the ground by Julien Mcdonald- im sorry i lik ehim b ut i cant take it, and Boeteng who does cool thing swith the c olour orange but caN I P;EASE BE A BITCH? very rudely crashd a lovely mellow dinner iw as having with lovely movie star friends ( nope no clinky name drops puhlease) and it just didnt fit i bleive if i recall cvorrdctly he ws with Ryan Seacrest et al and it was all bad, nyway stats;
music biz is dying but fashion is thriuving beyond comprehensiuona nd couturwe shows lose tons of cash but it s about propgating the perfum,es nd the bags and th ebrand names to us out here- in the flyover states and getting us to walk around with LV on our asses and despite the fact that the personw ho designs LV is one of my favourite people on thi searth and a true inspiration as a human and as an artist, 40,000 children die everyday of starvation , 750 million people om th si planet today aRE DYING of poverty and startvation nd sinc eww2 theres been over 200 waRS most wich are stillbeing fouight iu n one way or nother approx 30% of all adults in the sub Saharan Part of AFRICA swazi land and Zinmbawe about up to 40% o fthe entor epop;oulation is HIV positive a very very small frCTion of thes epeople are recieving arvs ( anti retrio virals thats c ocktail of drugs wich staves off the HIV from becoming full blown aids) 10,000 humans jut slike you n dme die a day compl;etely unnecisarly because we just5 do not seem to value human life menahwil im dANCING ROUND INS A DRESS SOEM RUSSIAN OGLIGARCHS WI9FE WHO BOUGHT ALLTHE ELCTRUCITY IN NORTHERN RUSSIA IS GOING TO BUY THE DRES SIM DANCING AND SWREATIN G MY aSS off IN it shard to resolve th etwo- but when i look imn Marcs eyes or i look in Donnatellas eyes or i look in Rick Owens eyes or i look in Lagerfelds eye sthey are good people with good values and i like them very much , anyway who wants to hear about my social aware ness luxury brand nonsense presently= i just want yout o be awaare of the stats,and how insane this world is, and as Maroon 5 c heck into the hotel t the same time as id o and i have to stop mty 20 yr old Irish guitarist from banging “th etwats” ove rthe head with his guitar= hey i have to see tghose guys in my honmetown0- and ultimately they have to liv e with themlseves and the fact hat thye pretty much suck and they just do, im sir ethey make people lots an dlot sof money , bu t for young men who appear to have nice ebnergy and look ans seem fairly hip- i dunno i think id jump poff a bridge if i had to be in Maroon 5, hey thats just me an dim going by the hits, thres Buddha inside everyone and they im sure re bronging plenty of people plenty opf joy or energy= same w3ay friend of mine ois doing Celine Dion music this week,k itrs funny, but she seems very pleaSANT when ive net her- i just dont knopw how id apporach her as a stylist or a somngw riter or a PROducer or an artist to make something ( the dreaded word) “Cool” out of her and n ot yto drga UP OLD NONsense bu ti note alot of you guys on trhe site lik ele tigre and kathleens various”ghetto” bands, julie ruin etc, thats cool whatver, but be ware at least that as artful as she may be shes been in p[ossesion of far nmore income than i have and a Centurion Black Amex for a decade now due to living off Beastie Boy and haVING several homes( iblieve that includes th Hamptons, juts a thought!) and etc no tthat theres anything wrong with that, its just a teensy bit lame to me rthat she does thos sorta DIY VIBE as tghopigh she wA SPoVERTY STRICKEN stilldancin at Marys Topless( becUS EI did someone told me.
iwanst dabcing at Marys Topless in Ptown to be IRONIC or to empower myself in any sort of feminist manifesto manner and some one who shall not be name sin my band starteed in on tht nonsense about thier stripping expirience and i just was …i sia d”bollocks fuc king bollocks you know thats what you told yourself but it was for survival and we both know it” to wich she had to concede – cos you dont show your ass etc IRONICALLY no matter how you try to be cerebral about it, no matter ho w much you try to feminista it its the showing of ones most private body parts for dollar bills and thats the bottome line) i really copuldnt give a fuck about Hannas Black aMEX ( CEP[T ID LIKE MINE BACK NOW PLEASE) having rec overed from having less than 2 k in my bank account in the badass 00-03 yrs,due to a mans money, who am i to really judge such things bu ti do not pretend optherwisre and theres a bit of crossover in th ehipper groups of yal;l at the website, hint; say you like stefani! now that prexsents ,e with real; dillema and challenge! “le tigre” fans i have to admit willalready buy the record as its got plenty of diy on it along with everything and the kitchen sink i was dthinking and douing an dbeing when we made it sup[ported by the genius of my in studio bAND and LP and Corgans guitar overdubs wich are on about ghalf the songs – actually mots arent as overdubs most were live during the take- thats neccesary to know becaude HOW we mad ethis re ord is a crucial thing no click tracks no pro toolks no fuax drums and very very few comp aand overdubs its genuine and live, but everynogght i p[;ay i learbn sooooo much about how to mix and what to mix and how to sequnce and whts too long and what yall like bores ya anfd what takes yr breathe way, etc, what maybes gotta go, etc
per the nightmare of 00 03 and $
it all WILL gte resolved and karmically and in the real woprld in this lifetime poeple willl go to jail and banks will pay me back what their loan officers and thier loaN OFFIC ers little consp[iracies stole from aND PUT me an d my family and Kurts mom and sisters through,hell hunger and animality with the greed and hatred and stregth of the scam of it all , id id the drugs but i can say with a straiught face i was driven to them, but i did do them. after the relaisation that this horror hAD OCCURED AND IT WILL NEVER EVER GO DOWN LIKE THAT AGAIN m a few criminals havr gotten in though weve done all we can to close any gaps, shcked to discover noone on my teams does background checks we now have in plac ethe very expensove but also wuite cheap certaoin hwood guri of paranoia anf stalkers who deals with rthe vipers nesta ndf shark pool io choose to live in, where lemme think……id say 1 operson in 100 is honest has rtaken stock of thmelwves and thier pwn chjaaracter flaws and learned much of anytthi9ng about compaSSION or taking responsibility for thier own lofe corcumstances and rtreatinmg people ina democratic polite manner- thy eend up going back to iowa or wherever if they dont catch on that the mist succesful people are in twop camps the evil ones and the good /great ones. i9m honourecd and happy im not friends”"” with any of the evil ones anymore- everytime one uses ones fame or money for sex or power or vanity one loses topuch further and furtewhr with ones life force andf art. and everytime someone steals they are preppint their l;ife to becaome a thief and to be treated like a thief, i nicked something recently dont know why i just did it- i ended u[ [leading the massivce copr i had nicked the item fromt ot ake it back cos ,my karma was so intsant and so chaitic, cause and affect ius in every thing we do and everythinmg we are
ironic streange an dtwiusted it startyed before i was ever fucked up on driugs again, it startedc whn i was at the top of my game- but in Hollywood in the Business anyone whose thinking of givingt it a crack the reason my Karma has changed ALOT ( no totally ive had two thieves lazy liar no b ackgropund check nightmare raping my closet my cash and my home) assts ina row so the karma is stillthere but ist not coming from bnaqnks or Business managers becaUSE my lawyer is who he is and because h3 os poretrty much my best friend ( the lovel;iest man in the world with the most power and the best values and the sweetest energy aand a creative genius and a brilliant brilliant soul, i feel so lucky that we met or i wouldb t vbe playing of for anyone anywhere, theyd have bgotten me and broken my spirit nd i wouldve drowned and he put his baCK AGAINST the wall for me as have my PR man Mr N. and sxome people who iuve been connecting a reconnecting w/ like Trudie and Gwyneth= who i was so glowery and nasty and jealous of in this one infamous elvatior ride noerther me her or her childhood friend miss M. will ever forget how naSTY and dark my energy was ina fluffy robe and slippers ona fittingf or 200 cogarettes for 8 floors, damm what a BITCH i was, i just recall she had such a GLOW ABOUT her and the fact is its a genuine glow of kindness and self contentment and self esteem and c o0mpassion and to be jealous when someones raised that way and ha sthe fortune to be beautiful and pretty fuc king fabulous and dammed cool is just stupid, ive learned to embrace friends like that m ,like Stipe or my friend JUlie , my great biddhiust friend DaVID.who are kind and patient anbd lovely and infinite with me, or with anyone, fans aND people who feerl stupid asking for an autograp[h opr a ppicture and snappy is just so what i cant be and am not in 2007.l t coachella iw a standing with a movie star friend of m ine, and shes skinneor rtha jME and hasnt got an eating disorder either ( if id id id know duh, i hate being accused of it m, id have manic ep[isodes and OCD and im way too much of a pig to have an eating disorder- trust me- i ate 70 Laudrey macaroons SEVENTY from Harrods the other day. and m going to aparty afte rshow in soho tonit ejust becaus ethe girl works for Marc and brought back Laudrey macaroons from paris apparently a thousand, im so there.
the rose, the chenstnut= ioh god so divine……speaking of divinity back ot being NICE, whn eyouve and lets call aspaDE A SPADE shall we? had a massive downfall froka great heiggth of you dont learn alot about your own delusional behaviour arrogance and perhaps subcoinscious attitude and fear of money ( Suze Orman! paging Suze Orman…,.. iv eliteraally been trying to get Suze Orman to sit with me for YEARS and yearsk its one of the hardest things ive ever tried to do- it HAS to be MS OrmaN. shes female and understands the female fear of money and also not owning it….Iv emet every person you can imagine and gotten on with a nyone i wanted to but Suze dammed Orman wont or cant or i dunno im DYING To sit with MS ORmam its a DREAM? and failing that oner should be ab;e to trust that a Govt Institution for wich one pays half of ones oncome to willpritect one from the criome scommited against one? mAN IT REALLY can give one the BLURRY BLUES to not understand the Karma one has reate dand why one ihA SBEEN RIPPED OFF ZND HO WINE ARTH IN SMALLER WAYS IT CAN HAPPEN AGAIN, I JUST EXPIRIENCED A ROBBERY IN MY HOME AND WHEN I CALLED MY P[OLICE THEY TLD ME I LIVED NO TIN THE CIUTY I LIVE IN BUT IN ANOTHE RCITY TOTALLY UNEQUIPPED TO DEL WITHA CRIME LIKE THIS ONE BY HALF A BLOCK, they qwere just picking in me and bein g arses but crikey twhen you cant even callyour own cops topreport robbery? do you juyst let it go? when its heirlooms? i dont know i dont reALLY GIVE A WHACK RIGHT NOEW AND I DONT BELIEVE IMA VICTINM OF ANYTHING AND SOMEHOW THE KARMA LIES WITHI8N MY OWN ENVRIONMENT AND THE SYSTEMS NOT IN PLACE OT MNAKE SURE WE ARE SECURE ultimately teh fault must be mine
.ut creates fear and a hol eand weakness in our finacial karma, and i giess qwithout beatimng the sibjest to death and certainly not wnting to slander the lame ass ( hey my buddhims dictates that i NOT in any eay carry grudges, – anger- greed and foolisheness or wht we call the three poisons, so when i have negative feelings about someone and i wont give them the power of naming them, even the anon ymopis posters at various poison spots of toxin on the onternet wich i have gone on three times in over two month or however many times ive blogged i have someone else check my email its such energy suckAGE to hang about here n op iffense top thos eof you whop emnjoy social networking and finding cool music and go ! enjoy your klaxons! have a balst w your css! i love em! but im just not at thi spoint in my life gonn spean alopt of time here – when ive got wo0rk,k maybe in bed eating amcaroons watching bbc america- i dunno) but i do tend to chant for the total enlightenment and happiness of those who enjoy slandering and while were calling spades spades persecuting me, its impossibl eto persecute someone whose inner happiness is unshakeable, who has figured out that arrogance is preying on the weaknesses of others nd needing external validationa nd that confidence means you do your art for yourself and in an audience siutuation its JUST like SEX, we startedf with 60 people at aprivate home paris was 250 London wax 350-( my booking agent tells me we couldve easily done= wel;l im not here to brag = say su[ply and demand were not relative to each other in any way, the number astonished me of who was willing to pay,and ho wmuch to see me us play live, right now with no record and i was humbled and stunned and truly truly flattered, but it can be 40 people S LONG as im doing it for me and us( my gorge and fab and fucking genius band qich in my whol elife ive never ever been in aband so dammd good, and lov e that p[ats and mel and kristen and erlandson b ut my god Stu is a GOD of a drummer aqnd Liam Angelick can you fucking BELIEVE THATS HIS REAL NAME? sings like an angel and plays luike an angel and behaves like an angel, and works his fingers til they bleed, and im so honoured by his energy and patrizias and bethias and Mickos whose my little science project- the Irish really cannot drink can they? i mean hed tell you this himself so im not talking out of school= he damm well is a musical genius whose been playing Celtic m,ostly muisc froma famil;y of Celtic musicins from the age of four= he macd eme sob the wya he rendetred “f rop onc ein your life” in my bedroom ONE NIGHT= HI SPHRASING N TIMINg re so gfenius- and sometimes he gets a bit lucky charms bu tpaTO has alll that ARGEntian latina blood so she holds him down- and believe me ive got plenty of lucky charms blood in me so i want to go there but i have the best rythym sectiuon ive ever dreamnt of having-= for anyone who goes to music school illclue you in- go for a year year and half max if you wanna have real natural rock chops= any longer and they will destroy your soul, ive auditione dhundreds maybe thousands of people in my time and i n ote that thats a real piece of wisdom fromA rocker if you wanna play ins ome philharmonic ignore me- anyway have i been too erfratic? i need to chant now. seriousl;y no text chant chant chant, read some Lotus Sutra books , realis emy m,ission and my life state. my friend who cam e to NY with me had a little Gphonzon cal;led an Omamori one wears iot about ines neck, nd even thoiugh icve ben chaNTING whil etryping its not the same aS SITTING DOWN IN FRONT Of a gohonzon rtryong to get to th buddha lifestate where every impediment brings joy and other peoples happiness organically and naturally comes befor eryour own, and your job in tho slife no matter how big or “small” is value creation, to create value in all you do nd everywhere you go And evrty action you make= so maybe i dont particularly love Julien Mcdonalds designs nd maybe Kathleen is an image hypocrite- b big whoop- these are just my opinions,l well ablack card is a black card- it just signifies a type of bourgouise indetityt that if you have one ( and trust me im gettin g mine back thanks so much fo frWQORRYING about my black card- NOT)_ it just should in my perhAPS old school opinion be something you shamefully hide, youy rwelathy ! be a dammed good philanthrop[ist try to give at least 10% o fyour money and 80% of yopu rtime to alleviating misery and crrating value an d hAppiness in other peoples lives.
i hope your on time for the Hiro Ballroom, im spendingmny won dammed money on an onstage moniter system so we arent palying through ahiurricvane aGAIN, i wont even listen to London. yes i know it fucking ROCKED, but my guitar fuck ups are too senile to mention.
nam myoho renge kyo(ig your into m y Buddhist thing go to SGI.org. it works is all i can tell you- nam myoho renge kyo is the law of cause of effect you and your environment are the saME Thing noone is a victim-= i my caSE FOR INSTANCE THERE IS NO DOUBt that i have been the victim of a heinous conspiracy and larceny and robbery and massive id theft and crime and there is absopuloutly no doubt that no one listened to me and the FBI and DA and POlice in NY AND LA DID NOTHING TO HElp ,me, what could possibly be the benefit in that-= well i and my child learned lots abou tthe value of wisdom when it comes to money and perhaps the karma wich cant be guessed will be that in he fvuture govt agenciues and :the system” willeave me aalone in the good times as they left me alone in the bad,. and how did i attract thos group of people living in hell animality and hunger to me? – btw if in that life state please stay away tonight i can try to help you bu t its so small youll just affect us as a band- if your even in anger or rapture or tranquiility please do come-= i used to only get the kid son hell. hunger. animality. nd i still note some of that energy. and anger. wich is nt just about rage its abotu arragaNCE AND FPRIde and grudges aand fury and blaming me for i dunnio shit weather or my frien d taking the venuies bizzare wiertdness to my guest list personally while me and noel fielding wandered round with our mugs trying to get p[eople backstage= i had some peoplke obviously ina BAD LIFE condition who took it all so personallya SIF IT was all about them- its not even about ME , its about serving these new songs and seeing what ya l;l make of em, if you like em what needs to be mixed wich way wich sequences work, what can we whip out whats better the fuc ked up dirty girls 1 or the japnese purepop of dirty girls two? or both? its a discovery process and getting my seal legs and shit ive done what two covers of Guitar Player magazinr and i REALLY need to live up to that, anyway, like i sai dthi si slike SEX no mtter how huge the venue or teeny- of course one wants to be known for ones faNTASTICAL blow jobs, but one also wants to get thiers out of a good shag correct? playing little or a big rock show is the exac t same – i wan t to make yall happy but i need to please myself and work out my own shit and my band neds to be as one, if im gonn a change bands and fucking “brands” o yall and persoanl.ly prove a Yoda type friend former manager absopuloutly incorrect about calling something Hole when Hole was a momnent in time an d is no longer Reelvant and of COURSE band name is prefertabl;y to ones own- rht way when one is beiong discuyssed by kids , grown ups, insidersk journos, scnesters, hopusewives, View Obvseesives- lik emyself.—- just a Bev Hills fuckin Soccer mom, wich is c ertainly part f who i am, but in any case i KNOW i am right and that Hole is a past thing-=an im sure you will all agree to that onc eyou see this band live its convienent to havce a band name so people esp my weakest demographic wich is gues hwo! heterosexual under 22 yr old males! BIG SURPISE THERE! havig opened for Metallica i can say they arent so bad, but man are they hard for a chick to crack, fhm? maXIM? naaaw, yall figure ot out or grow out of blaming me for the bad weather, or green days career chopices etc.
its conveninet for Reznor to have “NIN” cos that way one can think of Reznor aqs “nin” even if it was just stil antony and flea theyre the core of the p[eppers, but eric and me willjust not do this again its the wy it is and this is so un rock and roll it ultimately comes cdown to
“religiuous” reasons- my buddhist sect dont get along with his, but mor ethan than that its about a mpment int he ninet ies that n longer exists so s much as oid love to hve aband name so hetero young males could say ” o like the band hate her” and id o understand why and how that works, this band is a s cute and good an dim almost embarsed to own my own name with band this excellent, micko liam patrixzia bethia an dthe best drummer on fuckin earth stu, its been such a gretsa social experiment mor eto come later- well eave 50 tic kets at the front for give way at 10 pm, so theres 50 spares. tthe hiro ballroom, dont ask me where it is,we go on at 1030 sharp. i gotta chant i just erased about twop hours of a bunch of p[ersonal matters that i have no interest inc omplaining explaining or sharing with yall. cos its juts tabloid nonsnesne nd whos ethis race car driver im sypposed ot hbe havinga thing with? never met him/
okay.
seeyall tonight.
i heart NY!
sweetness and nam myoho renge kyo blessings and protection from allya ;lls shoten zenjin and a benevolen tuniverse remeber life is 90 [percent perception if not more 10 percent your own reality- and it doesnt matter whart anyone says aboput you as lobnga s you feel good abou tyourself!

per black cards- etc- im sure noone cares abotu my opinions about wealthy peoples habiuts or imges i just nited such a crossover in the tix questions hint; if you REALLY wnna get my attention be a Stefani fan! tht c hallenges us! not to be mean ot her or anyone i negr band but its so the opposite of me- ive seen lots of that crossover and am for whtever reason more prone to try to win you over to the3 side of thos eof ius ewho are disaffected and a little marginilised and apossibly have been fuc ked ove rand not popular and allthat stuff, tho in relaity iv e lways been popular i guess, ive just chosen to mrginlise myself t times, ive chos4n to make myself ugly sometimes, ive chopsen to trhow my lot in with underdogs, its a choice an d you can make it both ways as long as you g uive yourself the room to make it and dont get stuck beong mnarginilised and dont get stuck not bveing able to navigate the real world an dhinourable nic epeople! nd nopt get stuck in apathy and social iun awareness ima ll for the luxury brand culture as l;ong as we give back and as long as peiple unde3rstand that we get out what we put inm period, end of story there are no free rides or lucky breaks! theres delusion and theres Enlightenment, aND I HOPE you can jpoin me and my firneds and family and etc on the latter path, becaus eits harder but oh my god so much more worth it!
rock ouit bitches!
corks

thereds apperently press that is sayong including the london Times widch is where i happened uypon this that i am “feekibsg pressure” from “Nirvcana Fans” as we know there re Nirvana Fans and then there are the 16=180 freaks who Kurt wouldcve hated whp i ignore and hacvnever paid attentipon too and thats why i :switched” from an aunction to a private buyer, this is horsepucky, utterly. There MAY be an auction and there MAY be a p[rivte buyer it depends, id prefer to void the PR of a big auction , but perhaps more cfan go to charity and its fairer to got o an auction,m and perhaaps i dnt wan to be involved in an “inverstment”scheme wherein i sell and then the person sells for three times teh amunt fter the biopic or ten times the amount inten years, wich i may dammed wellw ait for, i started a foundation – the Calliope Foundation years ago to provide arts and music to poor shcools wich Save The Music doe snow and oes well, and also to focus on Suicide prevention and drug abuse addiction esp int he Seattle area, and to create a Kurt Cbain yearly grant for a kid out of Aberdeen.Cosmopolis evcery year – an outsider type kid with artistic musical filmic potential, but shit happened and even tho oi spoke wth Paul Allen ( the othe rhalf of microsofT) the state of Washington was too busy taxing my estate when there was a perfectly legal will ( wicvh statute has no run out) and hiring 16 lawyers i didnt know about etc etc, itllallcome out in this life or Karma or the Akashic Records but itll ll come out, anyway i was busy and moving tp LA and i never got Calliope ( onf the 12 muses she wa sthe mus eof Epic Poetry and iliked her for Kurt) i never di d anything with it i think one event once- but foundations are difficult to run and take alot of effort liek rfunning a lable but a big one and theres alot of fraud in foundations when iw as voraciously reading abnout fraud when i had my fortiune stolen i read one of thebetter books on it and it happened to be one about Cjarities and fraud you have to hve real cops watching, and commiited peopkle like teh case of Music cares when a certaon former emloyee ran it he also raN THE grammies- one dinner they raisee1.8 million but the dinner cost 980k, chuck ohillips at thelta times wona Pulitzer for exposing that story, but i chnated two hours ton ight and really thought about where the money should go and since Calliope stillexistst i may staff it CAREFULLY using professional and go to Trudie Styler an dBono to mke sure im getting the best sorts of people to police it seo this money goes where Kurt would have wanted it and we can keeop it where Kurt is from mybe two grants a year in ein grays harbour an done nationally would be fairer for a scholarship, im thinkinga aloud, but back ot the original point , i dont listen ot cvare what those crazed little hormonal mysoginist kids write about me, i bever read irt and ive come to ther point whrre imnot allthe way there ive practically stopped readinganything about myself at all- my goal is to get to that anthony hopkins place wher eone doesnt read the good or the bad, ever under an y circumstance, i google myself occasdionally abouyt ince a month now,m but i skim and i feel bad for even doing that= im really chanting for alot of things right now alot my list takes three pages = verythingf romamterial thinsg to allevaiting one persons misery each day and bringing joy to on e person each day and for true compassion and to understand why iw as born to these parents and to fulfill my mission and create value in all that i do, inevery actiion creqat value, culture an deducation , fo rthat it os makingmusic that does that particularly live music, and stop being so dammed reactive, i think thats my worst chrcater flaw, i canbe so reactive, and iknow it and it drives me nuts because it doesw not gel with the rest pof my goals and mission truth over fame, virtue over material wealth, and if one can amge t both at the same time , i live in shark pool so its a little hard, but there ar egood compassionate people around me and the 9th consciousness the Law the Secret the m,ystc law the shoten zenjin takes veryvery good care of me when i let go. so the Times piece spread about a bit i askeds someone who does read about me, and i m ust say thi sis nonsense, inever care what they say these freaks, Kurt addressed them in the liner notes of in Utero and in countless interviews and it wa sone of the things that drove him to his death, it hurt and wa snot fun and he feklt so much guilt like us falling in love ha dtaken m,e away from me wich was true but it was worth it, Lovehas sacrifices, and i made the ultimate one= lost my entire idnetity forever, and became identified with a man forweve and ever= but thats nonsesne too i have fith i wil nto always be indentofied ewith himwhen i actr and wgen ising i no longer am indentified with him and when i fulfill m ymission wich is writongand playing music live i am me cxourtney love ( cobain) so i just wanted to straighten that out, ive recieved NITHING but sxupport and even the Times reported that ie as recieving criticisim wlel id recieve crticism if i had a perfect 6 pack and became a nun so its wate roff a ducks back, i also haventhad the opportunity to communicate to the public and speak about the music and the issues that mtter to me Buddhism and compassionand changde and survival and turning poisxon into medicine and helopinga s many peple as its possible fo rmew to help with my exirience strength and hope, burt as far as moving this vast amount ( tome its not a vast amoutn compared to lennons sriff Kurt had very few things henever had a chance to indulge himself in any luxury goods or attractive environments he was too busy making golden eggs for others, and pancakers and unplugging the phine withme an dfrances) but its alot of stuff its jiust very rare= and the price quoted i was told will dpuble afte rthe biopic and inten years will triple at thevery least so lets see where i can creat ethemost value out of these things that peple want-= i knew this wehn Kurt s sweater fetched 280 ooo usd for Unicef- it was just asweater tome but it meant the world to this kid,
Iheard about one guy wgo wanted to approach me an older guy whop collected someone else and switche dto kurt because he doesntbelieve there are collectors in that income range that can afford it yet, that upset me as ts nonsendse males 35-45 and there are a plenty of them ar every much into collecting= when is ai dwe were dealing with ONE person he is very priuvate and o plan on being very prubvate about tthe detsils but if that one person doesnt work out the fact os there are others, and they are passionate and not llking top sell or make an investment wich i would prefer-if i sell something to youf or a dollar i dont wan tyou turninga round and selling it for five if it meant alot to me -= tehn again wether its Calliope foundation or a foundation Trudie or Bono ( the two people i woukld take the recomendations from – one my mentor and the other my friend) it deosnt muc matter what they do with Kurts guitar from unplugged otr the Ibanez her playe don Teen Sprirt, and the Mustang he played on heart shaped box of the collage noise cassettes he ,made or the work tapes of the songs as he wrote them= imt hinkings icne franny and KC share a ne xact simnilair sense of humour that his meat collages and comics shoudl be kept for her, and there was ab out 50% of what wa s never publishe dinthe diaries an d perhaps witha sworn affadavut to never reveal the contents iwoudl consider exchanging this to heklp pthers in the various ways ive suggested above.
iev sai ditbefore its an exchange of energies, and my ideal buyer is genuinklya Kurt fan who owning the stuif fwould tke it on musueam tours and woud plkaythe guitars and use things and would value his stuff incredibely, and i could us ethe enrgy exchange to help others inthe ways mentiuoned nd more things Kurt would want solvemncy for his daughter and peronsal investments too bitmistly givingt o other people- rersearch into stmach ailmenst mysterious like him , perhaps even a perfect rehab( ohno i feel a steve coogan pitch coming on and need tpo throw up) ( bless)
anyway No iw a snot pressured by any child blogging if that coujnts as “pressure : wich it sur edoesnt to me or : criticism : wich none would be valid or anyones business everyone can understan dwhy its tiem yot move ona nd to do good works with the proceeds, works tht would creat e artists and promte tehm to stop bullyng to deal woth self destrucrtive fantasies and suicidal ideationa t a young age to hel p ther musicians and to help utside rartists and to grant two yeah imn into that now tewo artists a year one from his home county nd oennatinally and send them for a fukkride to NYU or Bard or wherever is approprate toheklp old musiciamns who got ruipped off who are living nt the streest who made massive hits andnever got a dime, forme to cog into juvenile halls and halfw ay houses an dteach music and arta nd fiilm and slefg belief and value and culture and edcuation to instilla live of reading and to lea dpeple to victory ni matter what – tp show and to prve by exampole that nothing isj impossible aNd dreams come true and as Kurt xchanted with me and listed himself a s a Budhist tyo teach unde rthe lessons of thegreat Biddhist guides.
to build a palace of the heart , using lyrics i dont need to own and hacve gathering dust, and frightwig t shirts and shirts he wore in teen spirit and dresses he wore in in bloom videos and all that stuff, it can go to vcreat so much so very much value inthis world, hed be glad fo rit so would i, and i think thats what sgoing tohappen,
to go to planstoen and tach women how to be independant form sweat shops o theere are so many many things.
and imust sleep because i wak eup do some yoga watch the view and chant, its hoydl be the other wat around ishoudl chant first but its my rythym, id liek to start gettingup more at 6 am liek my friend Trudie told me is teh appropriat etime fo rthis time of year, amnd stop using the net at night sinc ei sometime stend to write things that my bio ruthyms arent censoring from the mainstream press,
IUnany cSDE THESE ITEMS WILL BVE USED FOR GOOD WORKS APPLICABLE TYO KURTS CONCERNS AND INTERESTS AND PROBLEMS AND ITS A WONDERFUL FEELING, AND IF THE BUYER RESELLS FOR TRIPLE INTEN YEARS WELL HAVE FULKFILLED OUT MISSIN AND IT WONT AMTTER A SALE IS A SALE, AND IF ITS TO BE AN AUCTION, SO BE IT, an dio fthe aiudtion doesnt meet teh assessors needs then i withdraw and come back another time,
bti it believ teh stars are aligned and its time now.
i fdell great abotuthis as i wchanted tonight ( 2 hours) my mission here became reallyc lear to me-= this is enough toreally7 change things an dbe a real philanthropist ina serious way and succsfukkly done it grows and grows,a nd f one cares deepky for teh charites they are serving it can only be a food thing
i swear this is true

the ehart is wher ethe true treasures are and the more compassion one shows in every single action thebetter ones life becomes so if you mnust show compassionf or purely selfish reasons at first , it will come natuarlly, a lion is a lion . tht means some roaring biut raringf or comasiions sake and the sake of others joy and teh allevartion of other sd misery.

so yet again to clear ita ll up i as not’pressued : ort criticised:” into makingany decision nor will i ever be by some woyunded children inned of help and fuklopf greed and wraath and folishneess, they r eto be chanted for and prayed for, nto to be listended to, noonews pressuingme tyo do anything idont wnat odo ad uusal my whole life long and thatrs been very very bad andvery very good and i expect it to stay veruy very good for a long time to come and wehen there is siffering i willsuffer whatthere is to siffer and enjoy wahtther eis to eenjoy but aleays keep
VICTORY!!!!!! to creat evalue fulfuill my miisionand become a woman of limitless self esteem, and satya way frof oolishness hell animality an dallthe lower worlds of isffering by my daimokue an demy faith

to feel happy inside is worth everyt material posseion on earth and id o right now- iveben very reactiev lkately abd in hst going tolet go and let gid an dbuddha decide for me, icanbnot contrl the 172 loose ends nor can i c oherently instrcut ther inhow to= it wil all be all good.

exoect the naveen genuius ewebiste mixed with mys pace mid may. its amazxing he sdi maddobnanas webiste but this is nothing lie that its a brulliuantne widea and hasnt been done yet but nothing complex promise youd intahve to be atech head to get this.

love and have a great sleep i now have to get my adreniline down since being online stimulates me and makes me want ogo to 1stdibs.com where the REALLKY brauyitful furnitutr is.

going to sleep blessings upn you all!

nam myoho renge kyo (THAT is the secret)

Court

paul allen has a ton of stuff at emp and might add stuiff gottenf rom places lie apts we moved out of or the guitar i gave steve from mudhoney or i=di he sell it the hardrock ?camt recall……..iv given mp a few things they even have contraband stiuff they dont display like pill bottles and worse,

tenent of Nic hiren Buddhism is that all karma all siffering humiliation rejection persecution is a beautiful jeel challenging you to move yoru karma past that and to truly dig for z human revolution anyone ho s Oprahs “secret” stuff kinda get s it bitthis is mor esophisticated there is in my paractice a palce called the 9th consciousness it its a pure world the 7th is the unconsious here the demons dell but the shioten zenjin the forces if the universee the LAW is in the 9th consciounsess and doing daimoku ( nam myoho renge kyo) doe s many thing sat one time 3000 life forces at ine time ich is called ichinene sanzena and ether like once happene dto me i saa vicne caugh running sarounbd in my hea dina s and m outfit thats just karema working itself out but ine open soneself up to chanting more an dmore for peace for kosenrufi for the happiness of others and for appreciationand gratitude for every negative thing sthat happes for all siffering and it seems to turn poison into medicine the mnore ypa ccept that\

Tony Robbins who ive met and adore and the Secret are verty smilair in alot of ays it sbout contrilling negativity but Diamouku is the mytic la we can never comoprehend as humans and it protects us completely and utterly fr neyond simoly not thinking ngetaively i have somuch fauth in this that if i a stold give up yoyr fauth or your life i ould give up my life, faith is so very very crucial, when i as a kid and lean4ed bout the holocaust i didnt get hy people didnt just say they ere chritsians ti survive- im so far aay from that now i would never frenounce my faith

its very challneging, theres so much karma and so much cause and effect ive creted bvut i am 100 percent responsioble for aall thjat pocccurs- sometimes i get stuck in needing to kno an dunderstand what happened to me and the estates and frannys fitune in the 90s e are fdefintly one of the top 3 most fucked eove rfamilie sfinancially in rock an droll history allthings being rleative but it sbeen fixed, and i ant p klet it fgo i aklso belive ui have a right to know the actual details and thats fair

i believe it happne dto me afte ri as widoed ten times worse before i was on drugs and right after edard left akthough it went on hen edard as around in sahinbgtin ina whiol eother case that may never come to loght but becayse iu as controversial and that bank has a historu of ripping people off either eay my persona led top my vuklnerability- an dthi sled to 142 bank accounts at one bank abnd all these mortgates an dtrusts and crazy wire transfers and mexs and even though the FBIU is on this it sso slow and i wonder if i as Juklia Riberts i fthius ould hve ever happened ( no) but if it woul dgo so slow but i challnege myself inf ront of the gohonzen its a tenent of Nichiren to orship your parents- anyone who knows my history knos i fot two real doozies but i summon it up and pray fo rthie rhappiuness and thats so hard, it starte dwith me thanking them fo rmy human life and now ive evolved to knowibngthat if i can overcome the cruelty and avbuse and lying and mnetal illness of them an doary genuinly for thie rhappiness my environemnet will become even better although it sniot so bad now, suffer hat there is to suffe3r enjoy what there is to enjoy and know that the mystic law will ALAYS TURN POISON INTO MEDICINE especially asyou oray for others abnd thier hppiness an dtake no foolish jealous or grudging actions.
sincerely
courtney